My wife is currently pregnant with child #4. No, we don’t know what it is and will not until it is born. I thought that I would put out a list of ways for a guy to still be sane when the baby is born.
1. It is your fault, it will be your fault here and there for 9 months. And a few after the baby comes. The only thing to do is accept that fact and realize that it is mostly hormones talking. And then follow #2.
2. Mutter under your breath. Sure this is usually reserved for old men who are jaded with the world,but if you don’t enjoy sleeping in the bathtub or on the couch, keep your opinions to yourself and mutter to yourself. And don’t worry, most people will think you are either crazy or realize you have a pregnant wife.
3. Blog. Don’t make the mistake of making it a public blog that she will find though. That one should be all roses and puppy dogs. The secret hidden blog is full of rants and things that you would find yourself on the wrong end of a divorce and possible a libel suit if anyone found it. DON’T LINK THESE TYPE OF BLOGS!!!
4. Give in. Yes it is my fault, whatever you want dear, no you choose what to eat (she will throw it up anyway so she may as well choose), sure that sounds good, lets remodel the basement. Of course I have too much stuff. Let me get rid of some of that. Ok maybe not that extreme but it is only 9 months, let her feel like she is winning. You will be happier for it and wont end up on the couch again.
5. Whatever you do do not give into your Man ingrained logic. My wife was confused on our second child (6 years ago). Her birthday came around and she was saying how old she was and I piped up with no you are (1 year older)! I STILL have not heard the end of “You aged me two years in one year!” Apparently it was a big deal. I keep defending myself though. I say “I just have to be accurate”. Doesn’t seem to help. ALL of her friends, coworkers, acquaintances, homeless guys on the street etc know about it. Just shut up until she isn’t pregnant anymore.
6. Just help out around the house. This is easy for me since I am a stay at home dad. I do most of the housework anyway. But for those whose lady stays home, shut your mouth, put your ego in the closet and do the dishes. Or vacuum. Or make dinner. Or bathe the other kids. You should be doing this anyway if you want to call yourself a DAD.
7. It’s only 9 months, you will survive. There is plenty of porn on the internet if you can’t handle it.
8. It gets hard for her to get up and do things all of the time, especially in the last trimester. Unless you are pregnant or broken, get things for her. Take care of the kids. She shouldn’t have to get up unless she wants to. You are capable of more than sitting on the couch.
9. Think of it as a fun adventure to run to the store all hours of the night for pills, creams, french fries etc. Modern society has evolved and now offers 24 hour stores and drive thru’s. Just go do it. And swallow your pride if she needs something personal. If you can’t buy tampons without being embarrased be prepared for a whole new level when Preparation H is going across the scanner. GET OVER IT. You were adult enough to make the baby, be adult enough to take care of all of the things that go along with it.
10. Take care of HER. That kid she is carrying is yours. You made that kid together. She needs you right now, you cant make the kid yourself. Back rubs, heating pads, even just cuddles can make her feel like you still care. Later on when she feels huge and complains of being ugly, tell her just how beautiful she is to you. Tell her how much she means to you. Hold her like you did when you were first married. She is every bit as wonderful now as she was then, but more amazing becasue she is making a baby.
My wife is pregnant again for the fourth time. She is more beautiful now than ever before. She is more wonderful than ever before. I will do anything for her, and not just while she is pregnant. Number 10 is the most important to me.
If you would like to comment lets discuss!
Thanks for reading