Oddities, Profundities, Profanities and Dad Stuff

Category: Computers

Of water, Lego’s and laptops…

Oh the 3 things that should not be in combination in the hands of a 7 year old.  I am writing this on my laptop, with an old keyboard from a desktop computer.  Why, because water doesn’t make laptop keyboards work.  At all.  This is not the first time one of my kids has spilt on my keyboard, but this is the worst of it.  The keyboard doesn’t even sort of work.  Let’s take the time machine back a few hours…..

{time machine music goes here with some wavy picture that evokes going back in time}

Windows Key on black laptop keyboard.

Windows Key on black laptop keyboard. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Ok so here we are getting dinner ready for the masses, or trying to.  My youngest son runs into the kitchen, “Daddy I spilled your drink on your keyboard.”  “What keyboard?” said I, rushing to the electronics.  “Your laptop.” he says and my brain clicks into overdrive, giving orders for towels and screwdrivers as I powered the machine down and dumping it upside down to clear the fluid.

You see we have a bench against the wall at our dinner table.  I had the computer on the dinner table.  My son had a few legos on the back side of the table and he was climbing around and over the table.  Gravity took over and well the rest, and my keyboard, is history.

So after cleaning and drying the keyboard was dead but the computer works just fine, Albeit with another keyboard.  

Cut scene to a week later.  I bought another keyboard from the local thrift store that is about the size of my laptop so it is easier to take around, and it doesn’t have a cord.  It does have the pleasing clicking of a mechanical keyboard that somehow gives great feedback to how fast you are typing.  I kind of like it.  Cut to a couple of week later when Ebay finally comes through and I get a new keyboard for the laptop itself.  I took the thing apart again and installed the new one.  A huge mess of not easy to do as it turned out.  But I got it back together.  

Well the new keyboard works, but not quite like it should.  Sure all of the keys do what they need to, but it is not as secure as it should be so it is almost impossible to type on.  I still have to open the whole thing back up and secure the keyboard.  I just like typing on this other one so much I may not do it for quite a while.

To sum up, water and laptops do not mix, but for around $25 I got a new keyboard for the machine, and a wireless keyboard that I quite like.  It is one of those things that turns out well in the end, but what a hassle overall.  

What a waste of a weekend..

Well now it is time for me to get back into some regular blog writing, now that my blogs are working properly again.  It has been a while since all of my sites have been actually loading and working correctly.  Apparently there were some problems that have been brewing for a while that I didn’t realize were problems.  I have all of my sites hosted through Hostgator (no I am not posting a link here, for reasons that will become clear) and they sent me a message about high server use last year.  I thought it was all taken care of after I killed a bad plugin on one of my WordPress sites.  

Apparently, it was not fixed.  Earlier this year I found that my .htaccess file had been held for ransom  modified by hostgator so that I could not write or edit the thing.  This wouldn’t let me install or run any security plugins or caching plugins that THEY RECOMMENDED I INSTALL!  I found this out but the sites were still working for the most part so I ignored it.  Sites would load slowly and I would get 504 (Gateway Timeout) errors more and more often.  I finally decided to start blogging regularly again and I had a hard time getting to this site to do it.

It was last Tuesday, now a week ago, that all 13 of my sites would not load and were constantly getting the 504 errors.  I contacted Hostgator and after about an hour on chat, I was directed to an open ticket from a year ago that I had thought was closed.  Well, after some back and forth and me reporting 2 different times about not being able to get into my sites, they finally ran a scan on my account. To my surprise, the scan covered 130,872 files and 13,936 of them were infected with malware.

Well that set up an exciting weekend at the computer for me, and not writing.  The malware was in the main wordpress .php files, plugin files, theme files, pretty much most of the .php files in my account.  After all of the fun, I had found 3 different forms of the malware, all of which were designed to create backdoors to my sites.  A fat lot of good it would do for anyone to break into my sites, with all of the state secrets and tubs of money that go through them.  Oh that’s right, THEY ARE ALL FREAKING BLOGS OR INFORMATIONAL SITES!

Ok, deep breath.  That rant will be over at CantankerousOldCoots.com later today.

Back to the fun, I found that reinstalling the .php files was the best way to get rid of the virus.  WordPress wasn’t a problem, and some of the plugins were easy to install.  Other plugins were not available, but replacements were, so they got installed.  Some of my theme files and plugins however, were no longer available.  You may  say, “Just find something else then.”  But here is the rub, over the years I have done extensive modifications on most of those themes and some of the plugins, so it wasn’t easy to replace them.  So I didn’t.  I ended up going through what seemed like 10000 files (I know it was less but I wasn’t counting) and manually deleting the malicious code from each one.  

It was a huge deal and took me most of the weekend to do.  Finally, on Sunday night, I finished and all of my sites loaded like they should have.  I spent Monday updating and working on plugins, some of which still had issues, but finally got all of them finished and working like they should.  And I got my .htaccess file back.  And finally the security plugins that I needed.

Hopefully, and I really hope so, all of this is finished and I can get on with my sites working and doing what they are supposed to do.  There are some very painful and creative things that I would like to do to these people that created this malware and got it all over my account.  I should write a book about that, it would rival a Stephen King.  But I digress, I will probably just leave it be and write more posts.

Are you Cheating on Me????

Well hello!  I don’t know if I have paointed out enough times the computer problems I have had the past few weeks.  I picked up a virus on my laptop that ended up wiping out most of my OS.  I have been using my laptop for most everything in running my business for the past couple of years.

I spent way too much time working on it until I was able to migrate much of my data to my older desktop and use that.  Now the desktop is a decent computer, same OS and almost as fast s it was ok, just a pain in the rear end.  I used it and it worked fine for  while until I was able to get the factory discs to restore the laptop.

It was only then I found my hard drive was messed up by this same virus.  Ok this is not just a sob story, I have everything sorted out now and I am ok with everything.  I just had a funny thought that inspired this post.

Through all of this, I felt like I was cheating on my laptop with my desktop.  I just hope that, now the laptop is back, the desktop won’t be too pissed.  The desktop knew with wouldn’t last.  It was only a matter of time.  It should be happy I am using it as a server to spool printing and run the wireless network.

Yet, if I ever find the guy who wrote that virus I will personally carve a chuck out of him for every byte of info that I lost, and another chunk for every hour I spent working on it, and yet another chunk for the money I spent fixing it.  Then maybe another for the money I lost while the computer was down.  I would go to court and my defense would be, “But he wrote a virus that I got and it wiped out my system.”  Judge frowns at pile of bloody chunks.  “Case Dismissed, Justifiable Homicde.”

It is funny to put computers in the place of people in a soap opera.  I am just glad it is easier to juggle computers and data than people.  I am continuously intrigued with the people douchebags who cheat on their spouses and how they can live 2 lives like that.  I couldn’t.  I don’t want to.

I will stick to jealous computers.

What you you guys think?

-Justin

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