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Category: Funny Stories (Page 2 of 7)

Stories to laugh at

Today be Talk Like A Pirate Day! A Podcast Fer Ye!

If ye be bold enough, click the picture above and this page will become: Pirate!**update, the translator page is no longer active…sorry about that**

TEXT:

Well me Hearties it finally be time for Talk Like A Pirate Day! We be Ready for some fun, so hit play fer the podcast and beware….

The Video:

(sorry about the lag with the video, I have working on it all morning to no avail.

click open in new window and it will play correctly.  Thanks)

Continue reading

Kids songs and Dirty Lyrics

I was watching TV with my 4 year old the other day.  Usually she has the TV on while I am writing or commenting or otherwise trying to build my empire.

If you have a 4 year old or anyone who records their age in single digits with “and a quarter” you will know that they get focused on one particular TV show and beat the hell out of it.

My oldest daughter was born right before DVD became big.  She had a lot of video tapes.  There were certain ones that I prayed would break.  Some did.  Some “really” did.  One I know I stepped on “accidentally”.  It played for another year or so.  Then DVD came along.  You can’t let them degrade like a videotape.  They just keep going and going.

It is bad if you know where the scratch is on the DVD and it seems weird to not have it there if that show is ever on TV.  So now it comes to this.  Kids get obsessed.  All of my kids have been obsessed with the Wiggles.  My daughters have been obsessed with Dora The Explorer.  My youngest still is.  She is also obsessed with Scooby Doo.  I like Scooby Doo.

With that obsession you get many many repeats of theme songs.  They watch multiple episodes, get the CD, and sing them all of the time.  It is inevitable that those songs get stuck in your head.  And after approximately 12 million times “Dora, Dora, Dora the explorer” starts to get…..well….twisted in my mind.

A decidely PG-13 begins to form.  Followed by something that would make George Carlin blush and sailors run away crying.  I won’t write them here, this is a family friendly blog.  You can fill in the blanks for yourself.  Sometimes that is just how my mind twists…..

Don’t tell my toddler about the barbecue of Scooby Doo or Boots the monkey’s after hours endeavors.

Do you have any kids themes that need to be remade???  Comments are waiting!

-Justin

Christmas and ADD

First of all I don’t have add.  Officially that is.  It does seem like this time of year many people do have it though.  There are days when I start to go crazy at all of the blinky lights and songs that are the same.  If I hear 12 days of christmas again somebody dies.  Slowly.  I know I have been keeping a list in my pocket of what I have bought for people, what I have yet to buy, what is being shipped in, and what I have figured out that I am getting from my family.  It is all very all over the place random and overwhelming at times.  I can’t wait until the 26th when most of the chaos is finished and I can get to putting away Christmas for another year.  I do love christmas but it gets long and by the time New Years gets here, I am so done with it.  Not as bad as Halloween.  I do love Halloween and all of the decorations but I’ll tell you, the past 2 years decorations are coming down after the trick or treaters leave.  Here! Take some spider web you little &%*@.  But I digress….

Happy Holidays

Justin

www.brendasquiltshop.com

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I Won A Cruise! A Very Strange Dream…

I had a strange dream the other night that I am not really sure what to do with.  Of course the thing to do is to share it on my blog. It isn’t very long, but it was strange.

Now, the dream.  I was sitting at home in my living room reading a magazine.  It must have been very enthralling because the phone rang and I threw the magazine in the air rushing to get the phone.  At this point I knew it was a dream because I have an answering machine if I am slow.  I don’t hurry to the phone.  But I did here. I didn’t even bother with the caller ID. (another dead giveaway this was a dream)

“Hello” I answered. “Hello sir! You have just won an all expense paid cruise to the Caribbean!” The voice from the other end said. “Great” I replied. “What do I have to do?” “Nothing.” they said. “Do you accept the cruise?” “Sure” I said not realizing what was to be involved.

A few days later a package arrived with details on my cruise.  I was going to be picked up from the airport in Miami and driven in a limo to the cruise line.  Everything was paid for, all I needed to bring was a set of old clothes, a shovel, and a cat no one would miss. This made me nervous.  Not for very long though, I had almost figured out how to get the shovel through security.

An internet search of large orange colored home improvement stores showed me where I could just buy a shovel. The old clothes were no problem, but where to get the cat…

The dream ended with me walking to an old girlfriends house carrying a pet box.

I am not sure what any of it meant at the time or has to say about my sanity, lack of it, or what can be interpreted by it. I am fairly sure I need to go hunting though….

Comments would be appreciated!
-Justin

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