Catharsis of the Bogue

Oddities, Profundities, Profanities and Dad Stuff

Category: Personal Growth (Page 1 of 14)

Time Marches on at a Whirlwind Pace

January 26, 2022 / / 1 Comment

I sat here this morning and realized that despite all intentions, I have not written on here for nearly 4 years. 4 years of “I’ll get around to it.” 4 years of apathy. 4 years of slacking! I could come here an make all sorts of grandiose claims about posting all of the time now and getting a regular schedule, but the truth is, Why? Who reads this? Will any of those people that read my ramblings before still be around? Will subscriptions still exist, or will anyone still remember that this is even here? Some I know will not. Covid has taken too many.

I know I won’t keep the schedule. I don’t have all of the free time I used to when I was a stay at home dad. My life is as busy as ever, and the motivation just isn’t there. Sure there is plenty of free time to watch TV, and hang out. Sure there is time to sit and write, but have I taken advantage of it? Obviously not.

It was also back in 2018 that I got a story published in a League of Utah Writers anthology, and have not done much writing since. I have put words down, but I haven’t finished anything. I have thought about stories, but, as the kids say, Meh.

Cut forward to the train wreck dumpster fire that was 2020. You would think I would have tons of time to write….I didn’t write. I did work the whole time as my workplace was deemed an essential business. So Money wasn’t an issue. Just motivation. Things started to look up a bit toward Halloween, but then my Mom passed away and, well, crap. I wrote the obituary for her with my sister and damnation if that wasn’t one of the hardest things I have done. That was harder than writing the eulogy for my aunt. I still can’t read that obituary without tearing up.

Cut to 2021, my son decided that it wasn’t worth it anymore and ended up in a psych hospital due to suicidal thoughts, and then in another for an actual attempt. I am just now figuring out how to do the real author thing and take that pain to make a story. April brought my daughter her second kidney transplant which is a wonderful thing, but I was getting worked up to donate a kidney to her, and with the transplant I just hit a brick wall at 70 miles per hour in that. I wasn’t needed anymore. Well for the kidney at least.

May brought us a fun time moving when we got kicked out of our house because the new owners wanted to renovate and rent for more. No we were not behind on rent or anything, but we wanted to stay a bit longer, with a new kidney transplant and all. But anyway, we frantically searched for houses to no avail and ended up living in a friends house, where we still are….way longer than we planned on. But we are helping them get the house fixed up and repaired so it is good. But I still didn’t write.

I have made a lot of adjustments over the past couple of years, but it is finally at mid January of 2022 when I have actually got the bug again. Write Justin, just do it. This blog is called catharsis for a reason. Spew forth all of the crap that is going on in your head. Let the dumpster fire of your mind flow through your fingers to burn quietly in a corner of the internet and leave your head in peace. Damnit, just write.

So that is where I am this morning. Sitting here vomiting words on my shiny new laptop that Santa brought me. I will write here more. It won’t be on a schedule. It won’t be as often as it could be. Yet, it will be here. It will be real. It will be all me.

And it will be spectacular Cathartic.

Until next time,

-Justin

And again we Start…

October 13, 2015 / / 0 Comments

Hello all.  Well here we are again.  A new start.  It seems like that I am always trying to get to that new start again and again.  I haven’t posted anything new for quite a while on here, why?  I dunno.  Laziness, apathy, too much of life getting in the way.  I have a bag of excuses that I could use, let me rummage around in here and get tot he best one.  I think laziness is probably the best one.

Tapping a Pencil

Tapping a Pencil (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I started this blog quite a while ago, just to get writing and put some things out there.  I had some moderate success, people were coming by and reading, and then I just kind of faded into the wastelands of the blogosphere.  That is what much of my life has seemed like lately, just fading into the wasteland.  I haven’t cared.  About much of anything.

Finally, now, there has to be a point of that old adage to either $#!^ or get off the pot.  Well, I think (read hope) that it is time to start grunting with wild abandon.  I figure a few posts and some interaction and maybe I can rely on some good folks to help me figure out what this book I am working on should do, and where it should go.

Continue reading

Lessons learned in the Desert. part 1

March 9, 2015 / / 2 Comments

Happy Monday!  So this weekend we went down to see my elderly Great-aunt.  We finally had the time without dialysis or Dr. Appointments to contend with.  All in all it was a great trip.

During the trip we all headed out to the boonies to do some target shooting.  A bit of explanation here.  As you probably know by now, I live in Utah.  I have since I was about 3 months old and my dad got out of the Navy and came home.

He was raised ina small coal mining town in eastern Utah called Dragerton, now East Carbon.  And it is in the desert.  Interesting thing: this is not the blowing sands and pyramids type desert, there are animals everywhere.  Sagebrush, juniper, cedar and a myriad of grasses cover the land.  It gets hot and dry in the day and can be downright cold at night.  It fits all definitions of a desert.  Not much rain being the big one.

It is also a place where dinosaurs once roamed.  There are still fossils they are finding in the area.  I have found chunks of dinosaur bone while we have been down there.  It was also right around the land where Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid used to roam with the Wild Bunch.  Legend says there is still gold down there somewhere.  I havent found it yet.

Back when I was a kid, we would go down there 3-4 times per year to visit my aunt and my Great Grandparents who lived there.  We would go out hunting for rocks, or worm’s teeth (yes teeth from prehistoric worms, I have some and it was a professor who told my aunt and Father about them, 8-10 feet long at least and as big around as a car tire.  The ants bring them up from way underground.  You search through gravel and pick them out.) or just run the desert.

We would always go out shooting for practice and it was always a good time to get out with my father, grandfather and great grandfather and blow away cans or paper targets.  We would go out to the desert and shoot for hours, totally lost in the moment.  During all of those trips I learned how to shoot, how to handle the weapon, and how to interact with the surroundings.

I always liked doing something that my forefathers valued so much.  In the past 15 years or so, I haven’t had much of a chance to get out and go shooting.  I lost my Great-Grandfather in 2002 and my Grandfather in 2006.  My father is always busy and while we talk about going, it isn’t going to happen any time soon.  This is sad for my kids, because they really need to spend that time with their grandfather.  Besides he is a kick ass shot, that was all he did growing up.  Then they made him a sniper in the Navy because he was that good.

I once saw my dad try to hit a coyote from about 50 yards and he didn’t.  A while later he hit another coyote from the top of a ridge at over 500 yards.  I only aspire to be that good.  I have only told the story to my kids, I hope they get a chance to see it.

This weekend we did get out to go shooting, Me and my family. This turn I was the one in charge.  I was the instructor.  I was the safety master.  I had assumed a new role.  We had gone out to a remote place in the desert just like we used to.  We set up targets (those happy meal toys from McD are awesome to shoot.  They get a couple of good hits and explode.  Buzz Lightyear meets Mr. .22 slug and doesn’t fare well. ).  We shot and shot.

Part 2 is waiting right Here!

SAHD Friday- A Lack of Naked Barbies….

March 6, 2015 / / 0 Comments

Hello all.  So I am back to writing my Friday posts all about being a Stay at Home Dad.

Last night I had a strange thought.  I was getting in the shower and there were no naked barbies in the tub.  Let me tell you, there is a creepiness that Mattel never intended with a Barbie doll that is your daughter playing with them in the bath, and subsequently leaving them there.  Without clothes.  Why? “Well Daddy, she can’t bath with her clothes on.”  was the logic from my oldest daughter, though she would probably deny that now.

 

Playing with the barbies in the bath would not be so bad, it is when I would go to take a shower and there were 10 of the things naked in the tub.  Made me feel quite creepy to tell the truth.  But last night there were no naked barbies.  Sure I had to clean up some hot wheels cars and a boat, but no barbies.  I had almost a nostalgic twang before the elation crept in.

 

My kids are growing up.  My youngest daughter is almost 9, and she rarely plays in the bath anymore, and when she does, she cleans up the toys.  The older kids just shower.  It is only my 4 year old son who has the bulk of the bath toys, and his are not barbie.

 

Mainly, I start thinking about how my kids are growing up, and the things that we are losing, or more correctly, just done with.  We start cleaning out things to send to charity, and many of the toys that we have accumulated over the years are not relevant or just not being played with anymore.  We don’t want to hang on to these, we don’t want to move them again.  We have thought about saving some for grandkids to play with in the future, but, looking at it, why bother?  By the time we have grandkids and unpack these wonderful (?) toys that we have saved, the plastic will be brittle, pieces will be lost, and there will be so many other new toys out there that it doesn’t make sense to save anything.

 

Some other things have gone away as well.  My favorite thing to get rid of was the diaper genie.  Now, the diaper pail is a great invention, and the diaper genie is great because it holds in some of the smell, but I’ll tell you, the day we thew that thing in the garbage 2 years ago I danced a jig.  We have finally now got rid of all diapers and pull ups.  Some days I am not sure if that is a good thing or not, it is easier to toss a pull up than wash out tiny underwear, but….I have a whole other post about potty training coming up.

 

In the end, there are some pangs of nostalgia for the things that we had to have when the kids were babies and now don’t need anymore.  There are strange feelings when you realize your daughter, your little girl, the one you held most of the first night when she was born the day before yesterday (now 14 years) now needs deoderant, or a bra….don’t get me started.  Or when your son starts to leak body odor like an Exxon tanker, and it is time for his deoderant.  Or when it is finally time to stop helping your kids bathe because they are just too old and it is not appropriate.

 

Yes there will be new things.  in about a year and a half, there will be a drivers license for my oldest, some pretty significant church stuff for my son, and school starting for the youngest.  Holy cow, I am getting old.  But I wouldn’t trade this for the world.

 

Until later,

 

-Justin

 

 

 

« Older posts

© 2024 Catharsis of the Bogue

Theme by Anders Noren — Up ↑