Catharsis of the Bogue

Oddities, Profundities, Profanities and Dad Stuff

Category: Funny Stories (Page 3 of 7)

Stories to laugh at

I Stinkius…

May 27, 2014 / / 4 Comments

Before the meat of this story, This will be my 100th post on this site!  I am excited.  It is ok.  you can sit down and stop the fanfare.

Now,

I was training with my kettlebells the other day.  After I had finished, I picked my lungs up from the floor and headed to the shower.  That is where the title of this post hit me.

I, Stinkius, of the most sweaty and foul

do hereby declare mandatory bathing for all of the subjects in the realm.

At the outset of the kettlebell manifesto and implementation,

The de-stinky proclamation will be enforced.

This will include all members of the Empire from the oldest, (me) to the not yet born.  Your time will come.

Wherefore the decree will state that only through the act of becoming Stinkius will the kettlebell or the punching bag be effective to long term health, but the immediate implementation of the De-Stinky proclamation will be required.

Just something silly for Friday. It is snowing here in Salt Lake.  Head outside if you can!

Tomorrow is Fiction Saturday!  It was scheduled to be the end of Jackson Malone, but will it be???  I don’t even know.  I do know that the ebook that was going to accompany the finale will not be available until May 15th.

Due to some feedback and arm twisting by that evil mastermind Carlos over at Conscious Me, (who i am quite convinced is trying to take over the Blogistan (watch out Dave Doolin)) I am rewriting Jackson Malone for the ebook.  It is going to end up at novella length at this point, and there will probably be other stories starring him later.

So, tomorrow, Jackson Malone!  The end?  Maybe.  Ebook on May 15th.

Chime in if you will!

Justin

On Diapers and Potty Training…

May 27, 2014 / / 6 Comments

Is there anything that strikes fear into the heart of the “average” man like the threat of changing diapers???  That gets made fun of all over TV and in homes everywhere.

The truth?  I have never had an issue with changing diapers.  I would just go and change the kids if they needed it.  It was always funny to watch my Dad squirm and my Mom ttry to take the kids to change them.  Diapers no problem.

I do complain about them now, because my almost 4 year old is doing what I was afraid of more than anything when we first had kids.  Potty Training.  There should be horror movies written about potty training.  There should be death metal songs about it.  The end result is fantastic but the process sucks.

The ONLY thing I was nervous about when our first daughter was born 9 years ago was potty training.  And not crushing her with my inept grip.  Potty training time has been the worst time I have had dealing with my kids.  Kind of silly huh?  I would rather do diapers if you must know the truth.  Flip a brain switch and suddenly they are trained!  Woo Hoo!  Doesn’t happen though.

Now, you may wonder why I am talking about potty training.  It is something I have been doing with my nearly 4 year old daughter who is not potty trained.  I have been working with her and it is coming but still…..  Why is she nearly 4 and not potty trained?  I am just lazy.

No seriously, she spent 2 full years without any kidney’s.  She didn’t urinate for 2 years straight.  We saved tons of money on diapers.  She was completely dependent on dialysis (dialysis is a helluva lot more expensive than diapers, in both money and soul.  Not a strategy to save anything) for those years and didn’t have any bladder function at all.

You want a good laugh?  Watch the interns at the hospital digging through the diaper pail looking for the wet diaper that just had to be there.  We would let them go for a while and then remind them that “bi-lateral nephrectomy” (both kidney’s removed) means she will not have a wet diaper….EVER!  The senior Nephrologists love that story too.

So we are here almost exactly 1 year after she received her new kidney.  It took several months for her bladder to stretch back out to where it would hold more than a teaspoon at a time.  It took time for her muscles to be able to hold in some urine.  For the past 2 months, she has been doing well and is fairly normal with her control, if a year behind.  We are not worried, it is the time now to get her trained.  I am sick of diapers and pull ups.

Besides, there will be a whole new round of diapers when the new baby gets here in July.  I will be stuck with diapers for another couple of years and then be done.  And then another round of potty training.  I can do it.  *Deep Breath* I have to, I am the Dad.

Please regale us with your potty training stories below!  I would love to hear them!

-Justin

Kettlebells and Winter Driving

May 27, 2014 / / 0 Comments

 

I have been thinking for 2 days now about this post. I didn’t get to it yesterday and today I decided to do something else and now, I am going to combine them. If that made sense to anyone else, you may need professional help. So here goes.

I finally got my 55# kettlebell for Christmas. It was a gift from my parents and they thought I was strange for even asking for it. It was kind of funny how ticked off I was when, after they asked what I wanted and I told them a 24 kilo bell, my mother said the clerks in the sporting goods store didn’t think anyone should need a bell that heavy and only football players and weightlifters needed that size. My response was childish I suppose. I was mad that anyone would presume to know me and what I needed or not. It went on but I digress. The short of it is, I got a nice shiny black kettlebell for Christmas. It has taken me a few days to get used to the size of the thing, it is much bigger than my 35# bell. And the handle seems huge but it works. So, here and now, is my only resolution (so far) I want to rub all of that shiny black paint off of the handle and the sides of the bell. I want to use it so much that there is not only no shine left but no paint. That will take a lot of work but I am looking forward to it.

 

Now for the sarcastic rant of the day. I live in Utah. It snows in Utah. It snows every year between November and February. Much of the time that it snows people need to drive. So, it goes logically that at some point, living in Utah will require a person to drive on a snowy day. Right!?!? Well today it snowed most of the day. There was not much that ended up on the ground and the roads being plowed and salted ended up just the other side of wet. WET ROADS ARE NOT SLICK! I just get tired of people only going 5 MPH when the limit is 45. I didn’t slide at all or use the anti-lock brakes. It continuously surprises me that people here can’t drive in the snow.

Just my 2 cents

Justin

Don’t Mind If I Did!

March 24, 2014 / / 4 Comments

Way back a week ago I got a couple of comments that made me do something impetuous. I started another blog called Cantankerous Old Coots. You can read the story of its birth here.

Well over the past week it has grown a bit and developed some traction of its own.  Our patron Coot Ralph has posted the manifesto of Cantankerousness and has several great ideas ready to roll.  He has also shamelessly plugged the site here.

We are working on getting together a Consortium of Coots to post sage wisdom and general discontent.  As Ralph put it in his plug: ” Don’t expect to learn anything or develop your lifestyle.  It won’t make you a financial powerhouse or a software guru…..   But if you do decide to drop by, beware,  you might just find out that you are a cantankerous old coot too and then there is no turning back.”  (edits by me, go read the real post) Be warned, any sort of cantankerousness or ranting in a comment will earn you a guest post that must be fulfilled.

This blog is not about all of the typical crap that we blog about.  That is important on Catharsis of the Bogue so there will be no tolerance for anti blogging propaganda.  The Coots however….

The Coots will be fun.  It will be spearheaded by the Great Old Coots led by Ralph, as long as his fingers and his temper do not run out on him.  It will be filled with English and not modern slang.  It will not be a site to get all fluffy and tender with.  We will tell it like it is.   We will vent and say pretty much what the FCC and the First Amendment will let us.

So, head on over to Cantankerous Old Coots and take a step back from political correctness and fluffy feelgoods to get a laugh with a bunch of old coots spouting off about whatever comes up.

Leave a comment here and head over to the Coots and see what is happening!

-Justin

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