I sat here this morning and realized that despite all intentions, I have not written on here for nearly 4 years. 4 years of “I’ll get around to it.” 4 years of apathy. 4 years of slacking! I could come here an make all sorts of grandiose claims about posting all of the time now and getting a regular schedule, but the truth is, Why? Who reads this? Will any of those people that read my ramblings before still be around? Will subscriptions still exist, or will anyone still remember that this is even here? Some I know will not. Covid has taken too many.
I know I won’t keep the schedule. I don’t have all of the free time I used to when I was a stay at home dad. My life is as busy as ever, and the motivation just isn’t there. Sure there is plenty of free time to watch TV, and hang out. Sure there is time to sit and write, but have I taken advantage of it? Obviously not.
It was also back in 2018 that I got a story published in a League of Utah Writers anthology, and have not done much writing since. I have put words down, but I haven’t finished anything. I have thought about stories, but, as the kids say, Meh.
Cut forward to the train wreck dumpster fire that was 2020. You would think I would have tons of time to write….I didn’t write. I did work the whole time as my workplace was deemed an essential business. So Money wasn’t an issue. Just motivation. Things started to look up a bit toward Halloween, but then my Mom passed away and, well, crap. I wrote the obituary for her with my sister and damnation if that wasn’t one of the hardest things I have done. That was harder than writing the eulogy for my aunt. I still can’t read that obituary without tearing up.
Cut to 2021, my son decided that it wasn’t worth it anymore and ended up in a psych hospital due to suicidal thoughts, and then in another for an actual attempt. I am just now figuring out how to do the real author thing and take that pain to make a story. April brought my daughter her second kidney transplant which is a wonderful thing, but I was getting worked up to donate a kidney to her, and with the transplant I just hit a brick wall at 70 miles per hour in that. I wasn’t needed anymore. Well for the kidney at least.
May brought us a fun time moving when we got kicked out of our house because the new owners wanted to renovate and rent for more. No we were not behind on rent or anything, but we wanted to stay a bit longer, with a new kidney transplant and all. But anyway, we frantically searched for houses to no avail and ended up living in a friends house, where we still are….way longer than we planned on. But we are helping them get the house fixed up and repaired so it is good. But I still didn’t write.
I have made a lot of adjustments over the past couple of years, but it is finally at mid January of 2022 when I have actually got the bug again. Write Justin, just do it. This blog is called catharsis for a reason. Spew forth all of the crap that is going on in your head. Let the dumpster fire of your mind flow through your fingers to burn quietly in a corner of the internet and leave your head in peace. Damnit, just write.
So that is where I am this morning. Sitting here vomiting words on my shiny new laptop that Santa brought me. I will write here more. It won’t be on a schedule. It won’t be as often as it could be. Yet, it will be here. It will be real. It will be all me.
And it will be spectacular Cathartic.
Until next time,
-Justin
