Catharsis of the Bogue

Oddities, Profundities, Profanities and Dad Stuff

Category: stay at home dad (Page 6 of 11)

Stay at home dad stuff, domestic tasks

The Footsteps of My Mother…How I Follow.

May 27, 2014 / / 5 Comments

Growing up I always wanted to be like my Dad. He was strong, smart, and full of a barely restrained rage that got him through the tough times. I learned many things working around the house with him and I just didn’t get other things that he really hoped were ingrown in HIS son. Alas, in several ways I am a miserable failure in his eyes.

Not the least of which has been my decisions since I started to have kids. I have tried to finish college several times now and I am very close. It just seems like things keep getting in the way and I am left being a stay at home dad. Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids and this is a fantastic opportunity to bond with them when they are young. Think how it must (and does) irk Mr. Ex-Navy SEAL, Type A+ personality Dad.

The reasons behind the stay at home part are many and they may end up their own posts. This latest round was mostly to take care of my youngest daughter. She was diagnosed with End Stage Renal Disease or Kidney Failure just before her first birthday. They told us right then she would need extensive dialysis and eventually a kidney transplant. So, through this that and the other, (I think I will write a book about this. Ebook or real? Any thoughts?) I stayed home and shuttled her to dialysis 4 times per week for 2 years. She finally got a kidney transplant last May and is now only going to the doctor once a month so I am freed up.

That is one of the reasons I am blogging now. I am working on my writing skills, I do have a couple of ideas for books that I would like to actually sell. Maybe I can parlay my blog into the cash to do school and finish up those pesky 18 credits.

Now back to my main point, I am a stay at home dad. I am following in my mother’s footsteps and not entirely my father’s. And I don’t care. I am proud to be able to take care of the house and the kids as well as the yard and the car. I can change a water pump or a diaper with equal ease, if not equal time. I can rebuild a wall or teach my first grader how to read. I can do dishes or divide fractions with my 9 year old. I can field dress a deer or wash laundry.

I am proud to follow my mother’s example and do all of these things. I am proud to be a writer and will be more proud when I am a successful one. I know what it takes to keep the house running now, and my hat’s off to those mom’s and dad’s who stay home and do it.

Now, go do something useful!
-Justin

On Diapers and Potty Training…

May 27, 2014 / / 6 Comments

Is there anything that strikes fear into the heart of the “average” man like the threat of changing diapers???  That gets made fun of all over TV and in homes everywhere.

The truth?  I have never had an issue with changing diapers.  I would just go and change the kids if they needed it.  It was always funny to watch my Dad squirm and my Mom ttry to take the kids to change them.  Diapers no problem.

I do complain about them now, because my almost 4 year old is doing what I was afraid of more than anything when we first had kids.  Potty Training.  There should be horror movies written about potty training.  There should be death metal songs about it.  The end result is fantastic but the process sucks.

The ONLY thing I was nervous about when our first daughter was born 9 years ago was potty training.  And not crushing her with my inept grip.  Potty training time has been the worst time I have had dealing with my kids.  Kind of silly huh?  I would rather do diapers if you must know the truth.  Flip a brain switch and suddenly they are trained!  Woo Hoo!  Doesn’t happen though.

Now, you may wonder why I am talking about potty training.  It is something I have been doing with my nearly 4 year old daughter who is not potty trained.  I have been working with her and it is coming but still…..  Why is she nearly 4 and not potty trained?  I am just lazy.

No seriously, she spent 2 full years without any kidney’s.  She didn’t urinate for 2 years straight.  We saved tons of money on diapers.  She was completely dependent on dialysis (dialysis is a helluva lot more expensive than diapers, in both money and soul.  Not a strategy to save anything) for those years and didn’t have any bladder function at all.

You want a good laugh?  Watch the interns at the hospital digging through the diaper pail looking for the wet diaper that just had to be there.  We would let them go for a while and then remind them that “bi-lateral nephrectomy” (both kidney’s removed) means she will not have a wet diaper….EVER!  The senior Nephrologists love that story too.

So we are here almost exactly 1 year after she received her new kidney.  It took several months for her bladder to stretch back out to where it would hold more than a teaspoon at a time.  It took time for her muscles to be able to hold in some urine.  For the past 2 months, she has been doing well and is fairly normal with her control, if a year behind.  We are not worried, it is the time now to get her trained.  I am sick of diapers and pull ups.

Besides, there will be a whole new round of diapers when the new baby gets here in July.  I will be stuck with diapers for another couple of years and then be done.  And then another round of potty training.  I can do it.  *Deep Breath* I have to, I am the Dad.

Please regale us with your potty training stories below!  I would love to hear them!

-Justin

Lessons learned from NOT Deer Hunting.

May 27, 2014 / / 3 Comments
Mule deer (Odocoileus hemionus) in Modoc Count...
Image via Wikipedia

This last weekend was the general Deer Hunt here in Utah.  We don’t have a huge season here like in other parts of the country so it is kind of a big deal.  I haven’t been hunting for several years and I was thinking about that this weekend.

I was sitting in the rocking chair feeding my 3 1/2 month old son and I started to wonder if I was being a good parent to my kids, not getting them out and into the woods for the deer hunt.  I wonder if I am slacking on my fatherly duties to teach my kids about the animals and what to do out in their environment.

I have written before about taking the kids out and teaching them to shoot, to pass along those traditions.  (Part 1 and part 2)I would truly like to see them love the outdoors as much as I do.  But, then there is the quandary.  It is really hard to take kids out where there are people with guns.  It is hard to take a 7 year old boy who is almost convinced he is a racecar (complete with actual volume sound effects) out into a place where you REALLY need to be quiet.

It is inconceivable to me to take an infant out into the cool October weather.  My sister got roped into a camping trip in October with her last baby and spent a week in the hospital with him.  Not pleasant.  All of that being said the argument can be made for “Why don’t you go by yourself?”  Here is my take on that.

The deer hunt is more than just going out and shooting at deer.  There is a whole social dynamic of being in a deer camp with others.  A deer camp can iconically be thought of as a group of men getting together and having a party before getting up early to hunt.

Now, there are women who hunt.  There are lots of them.    My Grandma was a better shot than my Grandpa, and he was damn good.  My aunts shoot and hunt.  Back in the day, it was necessary for food, not just sport.  But they still had a good time.  I am not taking anything away from women hunters, I would never try and stop a woman from being in a deer camp where I am.  I wish my wife would come hunting with me.

I know anyone can enjoy the outdoors.  But still, the perception is men.  Men bringing their sons to the woods for rights of passage.  I keep thinking I am slacking for not doing that yet.  I came to realize that I am not slacking, my sons just are too little to go right now.  I am impatient.

I was reading an outdoor magazine this last week and saw these 9 and 10 year old kids getting their first deer.  I thought, my daughter is 10, just like this girl who was in the magazine.  My daughter didn’t really care for shooting though.  Ok not her, but my 7 year old can come with me and get his by 8 right?  Wrong.  I have spent 36 years in Utah and didn’t realize that the law says you have to be 12 to hunt here.  I feel better now, I have 5 years to get him trained, and 12 to get my youngest trained.  If the girls want to come, they are welcome as well.

I would live to see a time when the whole family goes out and camps, the boys heading out for deer, the girls playing around camp and all of us perfectly happy.  But I have time for all of that later.

I came out of this reverie and realized that what was important right now was taking care of the kids.  There really is nothing better in this world than holding an infant, your infant, in your arms until they fall asleep.  They love and trust you completely.  I carried him to bed and while looking in his little face I knew that this was the time to be HERE, there would be plenty of time for the woods later.  I then looked across the room at his brother, and realized that I had work to do on him, but the imagination and fire of a 7 year old is nothing to put on hold.  He will only be like this right now.  It is something to embrace.

The woods will still be there when they get older and if we vote right, the politicians will not be able to stop us from carrying on the traditions of the past.  Open warning to all bucks in Utah, I am coming, and I bring the apocalypse, errr Cameron and Tristan.  Wait for us and grow big, so we can have a picture like the ones my grandparents had of their deer hunts in the ’40s.  I realize that I am doing just fine, there is plenty of time.

Now, if you will excuse me, I think I will try to go fishing.  They all like fishing.

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A 6 Point Plan to Happiness

March 24, 2014 / / 2 Comments

I came up with this great title and then had to figure out how to fill it.  This is my list.  This is my 6 point plan for MY Happiness.  I think that anyone could benefit from it though.  They are in no specific order other than this is how they fell out of my head.

I would like to hear other thoughts on what makes you happy. If I get enough comments I will post a followup with plenty of links.

You have your assignment.  Go.  Read.  Comment.  Be Happy!

1. Be satisfied with yourself. I don’t know how many people actually strive for satisfied with themselves.  There is a huge push in the world to be better.  To be more.  To get into a better situation.  Why can’t we just be satisfied with ourselves?  For the most part I am satisfied with me.  There are things that I want to improve, but I could stay right where I am and be happy.

2.  Kids. I can’t imagine my life without my kids.  As frustrated and as mad as I can get at them, I wouldn’t trade them for anything on the planet.  There is such a content joy that can be had from seeing my kids ride their bikes outside, or play with the dog, or just run, laughing all of the time.  One of my all time favorite memories is of my son at 5 years old, running his heart out (by himself be it noted) pulling his red wagon and laughing like a madman.  I will never lose memories like that.  Knowing that he is that happy because I have given him the ability to run, the wagon to pull, and the house to run in front of , is happiness in itself.

3.  Hobbies Everyone needs something to do besides work.  I have a potload of interests and hobbies but my favorite is fishing.  I could fish all of the time.  Every day.  Most nights.  My wife is sick of me talking about fishing.  She forbade me from taking her fishing for her birthday yesterday.

4. Simplify There is great happiness that can be had from getting rid of the chaff that we accumulate in this life.  Philosophers have always talked about simplifying your life.  Buddhist monks teach themselves to let go of everything and become empty before they can be filled with enlightenment.   Being able to purge all of the crap we had saved over the years, all of the hand me downs for the house and all of the stuff we may “need” is wonderfully freeing.  Living without credit cards saved our butts during the recession of the past couple of years.  Didn’t really affect us at all, and good thing too, Dialysis and a kidney transplant are expensive enough without interest from a credit card.

5. Spouse/Significant Other I know this will be debated but one of the best things in my life is my wife.  I like to have her around, I like to be married.  In our religion we believe that we are forming eternal families here on Earth, and I have found the perfect person to do that with.  We get along well, we are not too hard on each other, and we work well together.  A cornerstone of my Happiness for sure.  We will have been married 12 years in May and dating for 17 in September!

6. Don’t miss the opportunity to teach others.    There is so much to give back that it is impossible to do so.  Take the opportunities as they come to teach others what you know.  Whether it be someone a world away over the internet being taught PHP code or your neighbor that you can teach to change the air filter on his lawn mower so it runs better.  If you can teach your kids to do something doesn’t it make you happy when they can repeat it?  Give as much as you can back to the universe.

This is not a complete and comprehensive post by any means.  Just go and be happy.

-Justin

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